By Taylar Magar
Tools you’ll need:
- Unsteady emotions
- Dating app (Tinder)
- 2-8 photos
- Commitment issues
- Unattainable relationship goals
- Set up a Tinder profile. Add basic information: a clever caption, a few photos, where you go to school, and mention a weird niche hobby like basket weaving.
- Swipe right on any guy that is semi-cute or looks like he has long-term potential. Keep doing this until you match. This is your opportunity to completely judge a person based on appearance and a few photos. For example, if a guy is holding anything dead (fish, deer, or any other animal), do not swipe. He is probably unstable.
- Girls, you will have to message first because guys won’t. If the guy doesn’t respond, keep trying, he is definitely the one. Message the guy for two days tops, then add him on Snapchat.
- Proceed to stalk all his social media and build that obsession over a person you don’t know. Make sure that you analyze all his posts; you will learn a lot about him.
- When you snap him, do not write anything; just send a blank picture. Make him start a conversation (don’t worry, he won’t). Warning: you will receive unwanted nudes. Just BLOCK them and move on. Even better, add them on Snapchat and don’t EVER talk to them.
- Go on a date in person. Make sure it is in a public setting, at least 2 people know you are going and when you make it back…wait, never mind. Keep it all a secret.
- Overanalyze and second-guess every interaction. For example, if he leaves you on read for more than ten minutes, he doesn’t care about you, but if he responds immediately, he’s needy.
- If he doesn’t respond for up to three months, give the guy a second chance anyway. Start having more conversations and FaceTime at least two times a week. The situation is becoming more serious and has potential for a long-term relationship
- Set clear boundaries and expectations about the possible relationship. Have a deep conversation on how you both feel.
- Skip step 9 — no one talks about their feelings. Again, DO NOT talk about your feelings.
- Catch more feelings when he becomes less interested.
- Repeat steps 1-11 weekly or as necessary.
*If you want to be a pro, use the following step with no less than 3 guys at the same time. Make sure to be on Tinder or multiple dating apps each day to gain the most success.